


Hondo's Discount Jedi Holidays

by EclipseMidnight (EternalEclipse)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Banter, Getting Together, Hondo is the only one who has his shit together, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Ransomed, Unconventional Flirting Tactics, but its okay, the rest of them will get there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-10-14 03:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20593829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalEclipse/pseuds/EclipseMidnight
Summary: “Hondo Ohnaka sends his regards,” Plo tells them. Obi-Wan’s not sure why he blushes, or why Anakin does, but either way it clearly amuses Plo.Also known as 5 times Hondo kidnapped a Jedi or two, and that one time that was officially sanctioned.





	Hondo's Discount Jedi Holidays

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fairleigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/gifts).

In his defense, it had been a very long week. He’d been drugged, kidnapped, kept in forced proximity with his headache of a padawan and even bigger headache of a grandmaster, electrocuted, and blown up. Once he got back to safety, he was looking forward to sleeping, paperwork, and avoiding the nearly inevitable dip in a bacta tank. 

The moment the exchange went through and Obi-Wan was once again surrounded by friendlies, Anakin leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You know, I think Hondo was flirting with you.”

Obi-Wan hunched his shoulders up defensively as he watched the pirates fade into the distance. “You must be mistaken, Anakin. You’re just addled from when you hit your head. Surely you will get checked out by Kix once you’re back on the Resolute?”

Anakin laughed, taking Obi-Wan’s words about as seriously as he ever did, and moved on to chatting with Rex about what the last few days had brought. Obi-Wan shook his head. Would his old padawan ever grow up? He exchanged a commiserating look with one of the 212 nd clones in the ship, one whose armor he didn’t recognize but who seemed familiar enough with their antics not to be a shiny, and put the conversation out of mind.

* * *

The next time Hondo popped up, Obi-Wan heard about it after he ended up with temporary command of the 501 st after Anakin had managed to get himself captured by Separatist-aligned bounty hunters  _ again _ . As much as Obi-Wan wanted to go save his reckless knight himself, he owed the men his full attention. He sent off a squad of clones to follow where they took him at least, and immersed himself in the battle at hand.

It wasn’t easy, and it was even harder with the distraction of Anakin’s absence. No matter what Rex said, Obi-Wan felt like he could do better. As he watched the updated battle map, he idly wondered when he’d gotten so accustomed to Anakin watching his back that even all the men in the command center didn’t make him feel as comfortable that someone would cover his weak points. 

Finally, when the skies over Barison were clear, Obi-Wan called upon communications to contact Goose Squad, only to get static.

Panicking but trying not to show it, Obi-Wan checked to make sure that he still felt Anakin across their bond. Anakin’s Force presence bloomed bright, if distant. Relieved, he turned back to the map, considering how much of the fleet they needed for a garrison, and how much they could send out after Anakin. 

And then, as he was about to give out orders, Tracer called out that they had an incoming transmission from the direction Goose had disappeared in. 

“Play it,” Obi-Wan ordered, and Hondo Ohnaka’s face immediately took over their display.

“Ah, General Kenobi! I’m sure you’re listening to this! Or if you’re not, you’ll want to be!” Hondo chortled. He looked offscreen for a moment, and Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “I think I’ve got something you’d like to have back. Silly Jedi, misplacing your toys.” Hondo wagged his finger at them. Then he swiveled the camera—and,  _ oh _ , that  _ was _ Anakin.

Obi-Wan almost didn’t hear what Hondo was talking about after that, something about the clone squad they had sent being safe and in his hands. Anakin looked somewhere between nervous and like his hand had gotten caught in the cookie jar during the night-cycle, and his wrists were visibly cuffed, but he was safe. His face was red, so he was probably embarrassed. 

That was fine; he was alive.

Obi-Wan switched to keeping an eye on Hondo. The weequay’s face was drooping more than the last time he’d seen it, showing that even a notorious pirate could be stretched thin by war. It might mean more business, from what Obi-Wan could guess, but also more danger. But Hondo was smiling in a way that seemed genuine, especially when he grabbed Anakin’s cuffed hands and held them up at the end. Obi-Wan was more surprised that Anakin wasn’t fighting him on it than anything Hondo was doing. 

And then the message ended on Hondo’s face, and Obi-Wan turned back to the officers on the bridge. He didn’t need to tell them to where to set the course.

When they reached the place Hondo had named, the man himself was long gone. The ships the clones had used were sitting in the grass, with both Anakin and most of the clones who had set out to follow him tied creatively to the low trees. All of them would get medical evaluations to make sure that nothing had gone wrong while they were gone, but all of them came up clean, minus a few sedatives.

When Anakin was cleared, Obi-Wan pulled him aside and gave him a hug. They were Jedi, but they weren’t made of stone, and Obi-Wan had come too close to losing him this time. After a long moment Anakin hugged back, though Obi-Wan wondered why he was trembling, and what he had to be so embarrassed about that Obi-Wan could feel his flaming cheeks through his robe.

* * *

_ There is nothing redeemable about this entire karking mission _ , Obi-Wan thought to himself as he did his best not to die for real.  _ If I survive this, I’ll get better at saying no to the Council when they propose something this stupid—kriff! _

And that was the precise moment that Obi-Wan’s grip failed. As he fell, he reached out in the Force for anything that could stop his fall before he reached terminal velocity. A speeder, a hoverboard, a convenient piece of plastcrete. The unrelenting rain made everything slick, and it didn’t take Obi-Wan long to realize that no, there was nothing that would save him here. He closed his eyes—at least his ending would be quick.

When he hit something hard enough to expel all the air in his lungs and break something aside, he wondered if that was it. It took a few seconds for him to realize that if he was thinking, he was clearly alive, and somehow the Force had provided.

“He _ llo~ _ ” a familiar voice said.

“Hondo,” Obi-Wan groaned. “Is this really the time?”

“Well I just saved your life, Jedi. Don’t be ungrateful. I haven’t even brought out the cuffs yet!”

“After the electricity last time, I should have guessed you were, ah, sexually deviant,” Obi-Wan managed. 

Hondo laughed like he wasn’t expecting it. “Oh, my dear Kenobi, that was only a taste. You would never need anything else if you had the full buffet!”

Obi-Wan’s nose scrunched up. “Anakin was right—you  _ are _ flirting with me.”

Hondo shrugged. “I do not claim otherwise! Now, I believe I have rescued you again! Are any of your adorable companions nearby, or is it just the two of us today?”

“Just me,” Obi-Wan grimaced. That could be risky to say since he didn’t have any way of defending himself against Hondo or his merry band at present. Even if Hondo was flirting.

“Spectacular! I take it you’ll be staying with us for now then. One extra person isn’t so much of a drain on our resources, so maybe you’ll even stay long enough for us to get to know each other better, hmm?” Hondo clapped his hands.

That was the point that someone started shooting at them. Obi-Wan groaned, pressing his hands against his closed eyes until he saw stars. He felt more than heard the return fire, and silently appreciated the caliber of the marksmen Hondo had brought along. And the caliber of the getaway driver. Piracy was definitely paying well then.

He reached to the Force for help staying awake, but to no avail. He wondered briefly how he’d come to trust that Hondo wouldn’t kill him in his sleep before succumbing.

When he woke up, he was pleasantly warm. Cuffed again, he noted, but he was still comfortably laying on a bunk on what was likely Hondo’s ship, so he couldn’t really complain about it. Especially when he was pretty sure Hondo would ransom him back to the Jedi, after the last time with Anakin especially. Why he was doing it, Obi-Wan didn’t have a clue, but there was an element of “couldn’t argue with results”, especially with everything else going on in the galaxy. 

There was a small table between Obi-Wan and the door, and on it was a bottle of water and a ration bar. Barison seaweed and jalan nuts, the label read. He wondered how Hondo knew he liked jalans. 

Some time later, he wandered into the cockpit. He hadn’t had any problems on the ship past a few eyes looking his way, and he could hardly begrudge that. They were less intrusive than many of the people he regularly had to deal with on missions, and he doubted any of them saw a Jedi on a regular basis. Besides, Hondo  _ had  _ saved his life. 

The cockpit itself was nearly empty, as made sense for a ship in hyperspace. It didn’t really need a full crew until they were about to leave. Hondo was there though, sitting in the head navigator’s seat. The impish thought had barely formed by the time Obi-Wan’s body had moved to sit on the arm rest. 

“Kenobi!” Hondo exclaimed. “You seemed exhausted. Do the Jedi let you sleep? Because someone as handsome as you hardly needs bags under your eyes if you want to flash those pretty greens at some senator, or even a pirate, ha! Should one be so lucky! Now, let me get at those—” 

Obi-Wan was listening amusedly until Hondo pulled at his arm, and Obi-Wan went sprawling all over his lap. He tried shifting into a less vulnerable position but Hondo’s hands were already reaching for his own. The moment the cuffs were off Hondo wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan in front of him, so Obi-Wan pushed himself so he was sitting on Hondo’s lap. It wasn’t particularly dignified, and he felt his own cheeks heat at the proximity, but it was better than the mostly-prone position he’d been in before. 

“Hondo—” Obi-Wan started, and stopped when Hondo shifted under him. It just felt strange, and was that—

“Yes, Kenobi? Tooka got your tongue?”

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan sighed. “For saving me, I mean.”

“Of course! What wouldn’t I do for such an upstanding figure of the Republic,” Hondo fluttered his eyelashes. Obi-Wan huffed a laugh as Hondo went on in his way. “Though surely you could ask for vacation time? So much time on war torn planets risks the Republic losing their best pieces of propaganda.”

“You’re just angling to spend more time with me,” Obi-Wan rebutted. 

“You  _ are  _ right, and because holos of you are good for business when that business is with the Republic!

“You sell holos of me?” Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows.

“Both you and your handsome friend sell well—both in holos, and in person! The Republic is paying me well for this rescue, yes!”

Obi-Wan supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, but after so many years of having to pull his own self out of the messes the Jedi Council sent him into, it was strange that they would proactively pay for his return instead of waiting until he managed to free himself. Sometimes he wondered at the effects of the war and Jedi propaganda on people’s opinions of the Jedi, and while he wasn’t particularly enthused by it all he had to admit there were some upsides. Like not being dead, this time around.

“How long until they’re expecting me back then?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Ah, that reminds me, I should send them a message!” Hondo clapped his hands, and a screen popped up. Obi-Wan tried to stand, but to no avail. Hondo’s arms were holding on to him tightly. 

And then the recording button blinked on.

“Hello, my friends!” Hondo called out cheerfully.

That was precisely the moment Obi-Wan decided to  _ kriff this _ , and used a judicious application of the Force to loosen Hondo’s hold just long enough for him to stand up. And stand he did, hovering awkwardly at Hondo’s side so he was in frame, unable to calm the blood in his face. He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment that his Anakin troops would see him sitting in Hondo’s lap like some kind of—or if it was anger at Hondo. In either case, he didn’t really tune back in until Hondo was done, and the camera retracted back into the wall.

“That’ll do it,” Hondo said. “You’ll be back in Republic hands in the next day. So why don’t you get some rest, my friend? Who knows when you’ll have another chance?”

And  _ that _ was some sound advice, despite everything, and Obi-Wan gladly took it. 

* * *

They don’t actually see Hondo the next time. Obi-Wan and Anakin just both get a message dispatched from his ship. Upon checking the coordinates he gave them, they find Plo Koon and most of his Wolfpack, neatly tied up. 

“Hondo Ohnaka sends his regards,” Plo tells them. Obi-Wan’s not sure why he blushes, or why Anakin does, but either way it clearly amuses Plo.

* * *

It’s hardly the first time they’ve worked with Hondo, but it’s the first time that their partnership has been official and sanctioned by the appropriate authorities. That doesn’t make it and less strange seeing Hondo in the Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan’s being assigned as Hondo’s primary contact for some reason; Hondo had apparently requested him and the Council decided that one of their own members should be the one to take responsibility of him incase something were to happen. Apparently he still had more work to do for him to be able to tell the Council “no” and have it be taken seriously. Although he’d rather Hondo to another skeevy undercover mission with no real support for when it inevitably went belly up.

Anakin’s there too, because it’s been ages since anyone dared assign them too far from each other, and Obi-Wan could kind of relate. Anakin was a special force of destruction. Especially since getting a padawan that enabled him and who was, somehow, just as destructive as he was. 

So obviously what Obi-Wan needed the most was another rapscallion to keep track of, was that it? He prayed to the Force for patience as he led the way to the hangars. Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Hondo were slated to take a small shuttle back to where the fleet was hanging in orbit, waiting for orders. There was supposed to be a pilot but since between the three of them they had it handled, it was just going to be them in there. 

There was some small talk between Anakin and Hondo that Obi-Wan ignored as he went through the appropriate protocols to get them out of the Temple’s airspace. He’d vetoed Anakin because he liked his stomach where it was, thank you very much, and Hondo was as likely to do it all legally as Anakin was to suddenly decide to become a crechemaster. 

He let them at it until their voices were raised. He whirled around to scold them, only to see the last thing he was consciously expecting.

When Hondo and Anakin separated Obi-Wan had already composed his face so it didn’t betray his thoughts, and raised an eyebrow at them. To his surprise, Anakin was speechless for once.

“Ha! I’m just being efficient,” Hondo laughed.

“Apparently so,” Obi-Wan replied.

“Oh, if you want one too, you only need ask!” Hondo exclaimed. And then his lips are on Obi-Wan’s.

Hondo’s lips were dryer and rougher than a human’s, likely from the way weequays were adapted for desert worlds. Obi-Wan’s mouth opened in surprise, and he learned that weequay tongues were also leathery. It was strange. It was good. It was—something he didn’t know how to describe.

The world swam back into being a few seconds later, and Obi-Wan put off processing it until he’d adjusted the piloting controls appropriately.

“Weequay got your tongue?” Hondo asked easily.

“What.” Obi-Wan said. It felt like he had all the pieces and was deliberately putting them in spaces he knew wouldn’t fit them.

“I take it this one hasn’t told you how he felt then.” Hondo pointed back at Anakin, who looked halfway to having an aneurysm. 

“What.”

“If I were a better person, I might have left you two to it! Imagine how much people would lap up the Negotiator and the Hero With No Fear as a couple! Ha ha ha! But you forget that even if I help you, I’m a pirate. I take what I like, and I’m greedy.”

“What.”

“A pirate does not pine! A pirate takes what they want! And I’m taking the two of you!” Hondo wiggled his eyebrows. “It’s not like I haven’t caught you already, my dears!” 

Anakin whined in the background, and Obi-Wan went over to him. He barely registered Hondo taking over the controls as he did so. That was fine—they were out of air traffic control and Hondo could fly the last few minutes to the rendezvous point. 

It took most of that time for Obi-Wan to comprehend it all. Anakin wouldn’t meet his eyes, and despite his easy persona it was clear to him that Hondo was busy being an anxious ball in the corner. He thought back to all the flirting. All the rescues. Somehow, he’d come to trust Hondo enough that he would trust him with Anakin. That was a better metric than whether he’s trust him with himself, he knew, much to his commander’s chagrin.

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked softly. 

“I know it’s—well, it’s not Jedi-like, is it? But I want it, Master. I want you both.” Anakin’s voice went softer until Obi-Wan had to strain to hear the last whispered words. And then Anakin’s mouth was punching Obi-Wan’s mouth with every bit of Anakin’s inexperienced enthusiasm.

They broke apart, and Obi-Wan touched his lips as he looked between Hondo and Anakin. How had he missed this? And wow, his lips were already a bit swollen. That was going to be interesting. Especially if it kept up. 

He looked over at Anakin, who was giving him his best puppy eyes, and back to Hondo, who was holding his composure admirably but not so well that Obi-Wan couldn’t see him twitchy at the edges.

“If we do this, it’s not going to be easy,” Obi-Wan said, and the shuttle cooled five degrees. “But when have we ever chosen the easy way?” He added rhetorically, smiling at Anakin, and leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

“Your lips are looking awfully swollen today, General,” Cody teased him.

Obi-Wan refused to hunch in on himself. He wasn’t embarrassed. “Don’t say that like I don’t know more than anyone should about what you get up to in your spare time, Commander.”

“And where are the pirates hitting today, General?” Cody pushed on, suppressing his laughter badly.

“They’re not!” Hondo called out as the doors hissed open to let him onto the bridge. “Hello love! Happy Birthday! I’m stealing him, Commander! No worries, I’ll let him back in even better condition than I steal him in, do you even feed him? Humans need sleep, love! Bye!” In the span of thirty seconds, Hondo crossed the bridge, tweaked Cody’s helmet, and dragged an amused Obi-Wan out with him.

“I’ll leave you a message, Cody,” Obi-Wan called back.

Cody sighed as the door closed and put in a call to the Resolute.

“Pirate take your General too?” Rex responded immediately.

“Yep.” Cody sighed.

“You owe me thirty credits, Echo!” he heard Fives call out in the background, and Cody sighed again. It wasn’t like they were going to get anything done in the next few hours. But they allowed it because Obi-Wan and Anakin both looked much better when Hondo returned them. Even if they also usually sported large numbers of purple hickeys on every visible area of skin below the face, and, by how gingerly one or both of them moved after, likely many they couldn’t see.

But that was fine. He could run their ship for a little. And he was hardly going to begrudge his General some happiness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I guess it doesn't quite fit 5+1 format since the +1 is the second to last and not the last, but the intent is there. Still, I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading!


End file.
